Ode To S**t

Last week, at a Christmas party, I strolled upon this naughty shell...

WTF? Okay, so I didn't stroll upon anything, let alone some naughty shell, but the above sentence makes as much sense as that bloody poem on that toilet paper! I'm not sure if you guys have seen it but I know a few people have come across it. I just want to know what the heck it means!

For those of you out there that don't know about it yet, the poem goes something along the lines of this:

"Down by the sea, as the
clouds shone, the sun
Through the day, I strolled
upon this naughty shell..."

This is accurately transcribed, even with the same line breaks. Hmm...

First I thought, "Ooo, they're trying to mix up the nouns," and swapped "clouds" with "sun" only to make "Down by the sea, as the sun shone, the clouds. Through the day..." You can't "through" anything, it's not a verb! There's a full stop there too! I even tried to swap random words around like "the sun shone through the clouds..." but it's still all mucked up so I just gave up trying to put meaning to it.

My guess is whoever made this up probably wrote this counter-intuitive poem on purpose to frustrate its consumers so that after not getting it, they'll simply do what the toilet paper is meant for...wipe their @$$!!!

Well, you create crap, I treat it accordingly. Stupid non-sensical poem.

This Is Just A Tribute

A second entry in two days, I must either be very bored or have lots to talk about! Sadly I believe the former to be more true.

Anyway, right now I'm feeling tired, but not...? You know that feeling when you've hardly had any sleep but later in the day you don't feel tired enough to sleep again or have a nap? My eyes are quite dry and I'm feeling a bit light-headed and this is all due to the lack of sleep I've had in the last two nights, totally my own fault mind you.

On Monday night I d/l "Tien Len" which is the Vietnamese version of Big 2. Yes, I hear the chuckles and snide comments coming thick and fast but hey, it's the holidays and I was very bored. I guess it should be expected, afterall, I did go to Melbourne High, and old boys and students alike know Big 2 is the very first thing you learn when you set foot into the school! Anyway, I played online with Steve, Garry and Cliff till around 3ish in the morning then had work the day after. Although I still managed to get 7 hours sleep, my body's only comfortable with around 8-9hrs, so I planned have an early one last night, but oh, how things never go according to plan...

So last night, I organised to go to Chadstone to get a present for my KK, with the Christmas party being held tomorrow night. Steve gave me a lift and we got there and met up with Quoc, Henry and Garry. After shopping and finding nothing, at around 10:30pm we went over to Heng's place to play some Texas Hold 'Em...till 5am!

After having just less than 5 hours sleep, today I woke up and went straight to work, where I just pumped in data for 5 hours straight for Campion Books in Mitcham. Like I can tell you the most common starting four digit combinations of Visa credit cards (4564, 4940, 4557 and 4702) and Bankcard numbers always start with "5610." Seeing as I was severely deprived of sleep, I began feeling a little out of it and started imagining things, like there was this crazy talk in my head of myself repeating all these kinds of weird facts. Keying in many numbers for data entry, most of those facts revolved around numbers. As such, I have decided to pay a tribute to numbers, kicking off, naturally, with the numeral 1...

1: Total number of my stand-up comedy performances (exclusive I know!)
4: Number of days before Christmas 2004!
6: BC in which historians believe to be the real year of birth of Jesus Christ
9: Greg's favourite number...and also my birthdate!
14.95: Amount of money I lost in poker last night (or this morning)
21: My current age...
23: Amount of times I have watched "Pulp Fiction". This includes the R version 18 times, the MA version twice and the M version three times
30: Number of minutes a pig's orgasm lasts (general knowledge I swear! but wow nonetheless)
50: Number of times a lion has sex a day (refer to #30...quality over quantity I say!)
56: Number of kilometres an average pencil can write
178: Number of different "Seinfeld" episodes I have watched, out of 180. To date I have not seen "Male Unbonding" (ep. 2) and "The Chicken Roaster" (ep. 142)
847: Number of kilometres from the beginning of Hume Hwy in Melbourne, to Sydney
1066: The year where William the Bastard (or William of Normandy, I prefer the other though heehee) won the Battle of Hastings in the beginning of his conquest of Britain
1492: The year Christopher Columbus discovered America
2083: The year in which I will be 100 years old (assuming I live to be that old hehe)
15,140: Total amount of cash in a standard monopoly set
63,896: Approximate amount of hours I have slept in my lifetime. This assumes 8 hours of sleep a day, inclusive of the extra day for each of the six leap years I have lived through, according to my approximate age of 21 years and 316 days.
63,908: Approximate amount of hours I will want to have slept in my lifetime by this time tomorrow...

...zzzzzzzzzZZzzzz

5 days to go!

Good tidings to all today! Well, I just woke up and I must say I had a decent night's sleep, even though it was only for just less than 8 hours (my definition of solid sleep would be around 9 hours). I should have slept earlier but I stayed up late last night playing Big 2 with Steve, Cliff and Garry haha, back to the old Melb High days!

Moreover, I've been working a fair bit and so I should have been disciplined enough to go to bed early. Between the 12th and Christmas Eve, I would have worked every single day except the 14th. Don't be too shocked though, a majority of my shifts were around 5ish hours. But still, if you know me, I guess you'd still be a bit taken aback at my new work ethic hehe.

So that is a low down on what's been going on really. I've gone out a few times though, on Friday night I ended up watching a DVD which I picked from the "arthouse" section of Blockbuster named "Malena" starring Monica Bellucci. I thought it wasn't bad, but I gave it one extra star just because I picked it out of nowhere and it could have had the potential to be absolutely rubbish...but it didn't! Hehe...

Saturday night I went to play glow in the dark mini-golf with YG friends which was fun! I made it one under par over the whole course so I guess that was okay. Then we had dinner at Bar Bosh or some Bar something...that was good too, I enjoyed my chicken burger very much.

Later that night I went to Cliff's to play Big 2 with Chris and Garry as well which was enjoyable too! Hehe Cliff found some chips we used to gamble and the friendly jibes were pretty funny at times.

Erm, yea that's about it for now, I had to end it off quickly because I have to get ready for work now. Take it easy people!

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."

Has anyone been counting? 8 days till we celebrate another birthday of the most important person in the history of time. Wow, I can't wait! I love this time of year, I think in Australia kids love the end of December because every year this time, we are allowed to bum around and get presents! Sweet! Furthermore, it's summer time which means beaches, bbq's and baaabbeesss giddy-up!

Meanwhile in the world of Greg, I've been working a fair bit since I've kinda got 2 jobs now...haha but don't be mistaken, I am not rolling in the money as I have debts to finance, including $1000 coming up on my credit card and small amounts owing to Steve (yum cha), Cliff (pannies), Garry (road trip) and Dave (road trip). (Don't worry guys, I've got a good memory and I'll pay you back, may take another week though!).

I've perused through a few different blogs and comparatively I do write long blogs. I guess I like mixing things up and experimenting so I'm going to end this blog here. Take care y'all!

Road Trip: Uncut

I find it hard to believe it's almost Wednesday and that it was a week ago since I left for Sydney! I've been meaning to post something in the last few days but it's been pretty busy for me. We (Dave, Garry and I) drove back into Melbourne around 5:30pm on Saturday, but didn't have time to go home because Dave had work at 6pm. Since we took Dave's car up to Sydney, Garry and I ended up meeting others and watched "Ocean's 12" while Dave was working. I ended up getting home around 1:30am and then I had to unpack and shower and all that.

Sunday morning I had to wake up early for an 11am shift at David Jones. Just coming home from a road trip with little sleep, I struggled through work and was happy to get home. Ann and Anna came over to watch some "Cold Case" episodes and later that night I went to Donny Pannies with Chris, Cliff, Garry and Julz. I slept around 2am Sunday night.

I had work at 12pm yesterday and needless to say, I was pretty fatigued still, I hadn't caught up on my sleep and I was constantly doing something. The shift was quite good actually, not many people came in to shop so I was relieved. Later last night, Anna and I had dinner with Vo and Carmel as a farewell before Carmel trekked off to South America and the US. This meant I had another relatively late night.

Today I woke up early to go to my orthodontist appointment and then had to go to the city for an interview. I then came home and it's been the first time since the road trip that I've managed to just sit and chill for a bit. Furthermore, I had the opportunity to use the computer because no one was home! I didn't end up doing much except play Pro Evo 3 as my d/l speed has been capped once again. It's taken me since Sunday to d/l "The OC", "North Shore", "The Apprentice" and "Joey" but I still haven't finished d/l any of them! Arrgghh

Mm anyway I think I've rambled on enough and I guess you guys wanna know how Sydney was? Well I enjoyed myself thoroughly! I would have liked to have stayed maybe one more day but I think we made the most of our brief stay. Wednesday was spent packing and driving up to Sydney, we intended to leave Garry's place around 1pm but it ended up being closer to 3pm by the time we left. We made quite a few stops including one interesting detour to the "Hedge Maze" which I've got on video. We ended up crashing at some motel at around 3am, had dinner (which was 2min noodles, egg and canned tuna haha) then slept pretty quickly.

We intended to make the most of our stay there so we set our alarm for 10:30am. We got up slowly but eventually made our way to the train station close to noon. Here we caught a train to the city and that was where we would spend most of our day. We ended up walking around George and Pitt Sts, as well as going on a ferry around the harbour which was definitely worthwhile. During lunchtime, we spotted Ben Lee busking at Circular Quay and took a few photos with him. Around 6pm we booked three tickets to the short film festival, Resfest and then headed home to clean up and get ready for a night out. The short films were pretty good, some were very funny (we all agreed that "Pol Pot's Birthday" was probably the funniest) and overall clever and entertaining. That concluded around 9:30pm and we decided to walk back to the car, which was parked in Chinatown, and make our way to dinner, which Dave recommended be the renowned Harry's Cafe de Wheels which was on the other side of the city in Woolloomooloo, which we learnt on the cruise was known to Sydneysiders as "The Loo". I have to say though, anyone who visits Sydney must have a go at those hotdogs because they are definitely something different. At $4.90 for a big tasty dog with peas, pie meat and sauces, it was value for money! After dinner we thought about going clubbing at the well known "Gas" nightclub but we had had enough for the day.

Friday morning we were woken up early by the motel owners and packed our stuff, ready to go. We had yum cha for lunch at East Ocean which was recommended. The food was not too bad, but we didn't get a chance to check out the main attraction, which is supposedly their 5-star toilets. (???) However, all was not lost because the one and only Jana Wendt sat on the table right next to us! We felt too embarrassed to harass her for an autograph or anything so we ended up sneakily taking photos of her...much like the paparazzi. We had planned to leave for Melbourne soon after lunch as we decided to take the scenic route back along the east coast, which would add a few hours on to our travel time, but we could not leave Sydney without checking out Bondi Beach. It was fairly overcast that day, but the beach still looked nice and there were groups of people surfing and mucking around on the sand. Straight after Bondi, we made one last stop at Krispy Kreme to stock up for all the people back in Melbourne.

We left KK at around 4:30pm and spent a good 8hrs driving with minimal stops, save a petrol station and some Chinese restaurant in Batesman's Bay. We had gone really hard in terms of travelling and crashed at some motel, I don't even know which town it was in. Had another early start and hit the road by about 10:30am. We travelled pretty hard with not many stops and as mentioned at the start of this entry, arrived at Dave's place around 5:15pm.

Mm, I've tried not to elaborate on a lot, with little instances and fancy happenings to reduce my relatively long blogs but added in the bits that I thought were relevant, so I believe it's a bit bland in terms of expression. Hopefully someone has had the determination to sit through it all. Anyway, I'm still tired so I'll be off. Bye!

So Long, Farewell...

The main point of this entry is to remind myself to do two things tomorrow:

1. Transfer some cash from ING into savings a/c to pay off credit card
2. Prepare video camera for road trip

I plan to have a haircut and go gym tomorrow...it's almost 3am already. I just don't understand how I'm going to cope with early nights when I work full time! I guess I'll get used to it and get sleepy at 11pm when that happens, but right now, 3am is my 11pm.

"Twelve is the new Eleven..."

I have to see that movie...

Well anyway, today I did more of nothing, it was one of the most boring days this holiday so far. I woke up and played some PS2, then watched TV (some Dr. Phil and ET) and then watched a few eps of "That 70s Show". I'm almost up to date with it now, which means I'll have to wait a whole week to watch more new episodes dang-darnit! I'm almost up to date with "My Wife and Kids" as well. This means that every week, I will need to d/l about 7 TV shows: "The OC," "The Apprentice," "Laguna Beach," "Joey," "North Shore," "That 70s Show," and "My Wife and Kids" just to keep up to date!

It's a busy kind of week this week, I'll have to wait a little for the above shows, as I leave for Sydney this Wednesday and come back on Saturday, which effectively means I won't be able to watch any them until maybe Saturday night or Sunday. On top of that, results officially come out on Friday (but we can access them on Thursday night) which is quite scary. I'm almost sure I passed everything, but as it draws closer to d-day I get less confident I passed my subjects...I should have though, I knew the majority of what I was talking about in the exams hehe.

Mm anyway, I've heard my blogs are lengthy so I'll end this one here. I probably won't have time or much to really blog about tomorrow so don't expect to see anything written here till Saturday, although I may experience severe withdrawal symptoms* and find a net cafe in Sydney but don't get your hopes up. So I guess I'll see y'all when I see y'all! Bye!

*[Ed: For crying out loud dude, you're going for 4 days! How lame-O if you can't hold out from a computer for that amount of time sheesh!]**

**Err, for those of you that didn't realise, I am the editor too hehe...I dunno! Me crazy!

Life is Beachy

aight it's 1:24am, i'm pretty tired and my eyes are stinging already so forgive me for the poor punctuation and grammar, lack of caps and possibly a post of incoherent ramblings...

well i tried to write in here the other night, about 3am and it was a massive one! i think it was one of the most truthful posts i've done in ages (not that the other ones aren't truthful, but this one had substance, a bit of brutal honesty) but u know what? i clicked "publish post" and it came up with this error page. i then clicked "back" and voila - nothing...i had lost everything i had written. i think it was pretty nicely put together, had a point, intro, body and conclusion but yes, 'twas not to be. it was a bit bitter actually.

well okay im not going to skirt around it like im afraid to hurt anyone's feelings but it was about how angry and frustrated i was at the fakeness of society and basically how crap it is to see people making their way up the corporate ladder by "special favours".

well anyway, i got over it, i was too tired to write another one, with the bold statements and crafty wordplay or whatever. i guess i realised maybe it was for the better that i hadn't published it otherwise i'd just sound like a whiny, bitter fool. Like all things, i believe that God was behind it and so i thank Him for preventing me from making a d**k of myself...

on a lighter note, the last few days i have spent time doing...mm not much actually! hehe once again i find myself being given zero shifts from DJs, which doesn't really affect me. it's bad how it's come to this, how i would feel so satisfied in watching my superiors scramble for staff during the Christmas rush. hah! you don't give me shifts now, but little do you know i already have another job and that i'm quitting next week. what will you do when you need me to work during the Christmas period? OH WELL.....................................

i know i sound really evil, but damn, they brought it to what it is now. if it weren't for the woeful (at best!) management, maybe i wouldn't have felt nothing but utter resentment and contempt for work. i think most ppl have heard me complain about the million and one things that have just shocked me so i shall not divulge. nonetheless, the main point of this little rant was to explain that i have been enjoying myself, going out, meeting friends and watching movies...

speaking of which, i watched "Saw" on friday night, which was quite good I must say! semi-aspiring to become a film maker myself, I appreciated the suspense and twists that the two film-makers tied into the movie that was made on a US $1m budget. Not bad for RMIT students ey??? haha

Today i played soccer and we lost 6-5! omg...it's getting depressing losing each week, but it's hard to understand why the gap between division 2 and div 1 is so huge! we owned in div 2, but we cant even muster a win in div 1! oh well...anyway, after that we went to the beach which was most entertaining! haha we played silly games like "Classic Catches" and "Foot-Golf" haha love it! we also played a game where we threw a ball at each other from about a 5m distance, with the target person not being able to move or flinch. If they did, the distance would be reduced to about 3m....haha i love when we're idiots! even the people at Carrum Beach seemed to enjoy our games, they watched and laughed with us! haha

erm other than that i don't think there's anymore to say. oh yea! here's a question for you people out there (probably the only four people reading this hehe thank you Ann, Anna, Cat and Drew), what's a good way to advertise your blog? as in get more of an audience? i guess i don't want a massive one and become all commercial, i just want to share whatever i talk about to maybe a few more regulars...

hmm ok then, that's all from me, have a good night!