Withdrawal

MASSIVE reflective mood atm. I have to confess that it's mandatory I feel like this after a camp or going away with friends for longer than 24hrs. I was actually naiive to think that I wouldn't have this low after the snow trip. I remember thinking to myself just as we were about to leave "I'm not feeling anything at the moment, I totally enjoyed myself but I'll be okay. Get home and back to reality." Little did I know that I was cheating myself because I dreamt about the people from the trip and taking a tram to Uni and then to some church (which looked weirdly enough like a synagogue - I think that was a result of looking at the maps of Jerusalem in my bible last night). All through the day I kept recollecting and playing back the events that occurred over the weekend. It was like a solemn video clip, the highlights and best of if you will. Like I said before, not once have I come back from a trip with friends and not felt sad like a friend has passed away or a part of me died. I wonder if other people experience this as often.

Lucky for me Dave came over today, albeit to work on our marketing assignment, and that cheered me up. It reminded me that despite the fantasy of living with friends and skiing/snow boarding for everyday the rest of my life (haha yeah I'm that crazy), I do have a reality that is also good.

At the mo I'm playing Fix You - Coldplay, Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley, Two Thousand Years - Billy Joel and Best of You - Foo Fighters over and over again on my playlist. I seriously don't know whether it's therapeutic and conducive for my mood right now, or prolonging the grieving process.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Fix You - Coldplay