ohh i see...

haha.

all i can do is laugh. it's quite amusing really, that the instant i see a bit of time to sit and ponder i do just that even though there may be more pressing issues at hand, but that's human nature isn't it; doing what we want and not what we should?

self-jibes aside, i've been studying most of the day and the specifics of public sector audits has really started to wear a little thin in my mind. so i've taken a break to let my thoughts wander a little before i rein them back in for more punishing on things like the additional assertions of public sector audits.

through this meandering of my mind i was thinking about where i am in life. yep, typical trait of a melancholy, deep and introspective, but ended up at a conclusion - one of conviction. i promised myself i would always try and remember where i came from no matter where i end up. i made it a point that i need to remember the things that made me who i am today, the good and the bad. particularly with the bad that those mistakes, while life-changing and scarring, need not be a hinderance for the rest of my life but a springboard to bounce off.

i am fully aware that i have two and only two choices on how to deal with past failures:
1. dwell on them and subsequently deceive myself into thinking i'm less than i really am
2. deal with them; recognise them for what they were, learn from them and benefit from the experience

of the two, the second option is clearly the better choice. it's exponential in its benefits, with "learn" the key word. i just hope i have the wisdom to recognise situations where i can learn from my mistakes, and not fall into a trap to repeat them. it's actually an amazing thing that you can turn something bad into something good like that, where if you never made the mistake it'd never have prompted you to focus on certain aspects of your character that you were always deficient in, leaving you to lull in a false sense of self and security, a mediocre little bubble that you created for yourself - one that would not stand the test if something burst it open and you were suddenly humbled and exposed for who you really are.

so the era of the organic and raw has begun, a life of truth and nothing but, and im loving every minute of it.