rollercoaster

i'm feeling both cbf and restless right now.

on one hand, im quite tired from the past two or so weeks, but on the other i have this aching to change things up a bit.

this week at work i've been at a client down in braeside (which is somewhere past keysborough) so the travelling isn't that fun. a fair trek given peak hour and took me 1 hour 15 minutes to drive home today.

anyway, back to my current conundrum. i worked out while talking to a colleague today as i drove us down to the client from the office, that i had lost the taste for shopping. and those of you who know me, know that i have an appetite to shop. it's so therapeutic. or at least it was.

after attending late night shopping at chadstone yesterday, i realised i really dont know what i want to buy anymore. i spent a good 2+ hours looking around and ended up getting one dvd. and that was only because i exchanged it for a dvd i was returning.

i'm finding it hard to quench my worldly desires these days, there's nothing i really want or need. i mean a mercedes would be nice, but that's a bit far fetched. i dont need to buy casual clothes anymore because im doing the shirt and tie thing five days a week now. i guess i dont mind getting more shirts or ties, but i bought enough during my trip to hk earlier this year.

nothing satisfies me anymore! my analogy to my workmate today was that it was like eating a juicy peach but not being able to taste anything. i think i got that analogy from an episode of seinfeld where kramer loses his sense of taste. it's like that movie pleasantville, where im stuck in a state of colourless, staid and a rigid existence but im longing for it to burst into colour.

i've been thinking for the last 24 hours of what i would really like that would go some way in making me happy. yep that's right, it's down to the basics now, just something that makes me happy. and i've come up with...a holiday.

i have a strong preference for overseas but i really wouldn't mind getting away to a nice place in australia, like cairns or one of those nice islands off queensland. i think what i want now are memories, really fond memories of happy, fun times. and i had a lot of them while i was overseas. now i want that again. so my aim is to travel heaps again. i really think travelling is my thing now. it's just amazing seeing different parts of the world, its nature, culture and people. however it's definitely not that sustainable since i'm working full time now and only have a limited amount of time by which i can travel.

so once again i've come a full circle:
starting off low, listless, apathetic, bored
the identification of the issue
suggesting a solution
enthusiasm gaining momentum about the proposed idea
at the peak celebrate and go "yes! that's it!"
realisation of R.E.A.L.I.T.Y.
...and then back down again.

oh well.